HI :3
This post is a concept created by the lovely Allie M and if you’d like to visit her original post on how she created the idea, it is here. The tag rules of #TheGreenSweaterProject are: 1) Explain this concept, or put a link to Allie’s original post so people know what it is. 2) Tell your story. 3) If you want, draw your own green sweater girl or boy. 4) Pass it on!
This post is about sharing your own story about any experience that you’ve gone through that has hurt you badly or your story about struggling to deal with something big that dominates your life. This is what the green sweater symbolizes. It’s a post, and I quote,
To show people can be kicked down, but even then we will get back up. That we are stronger than we look, and we will prove you wrong.
So without further ado, this is my story:
It started in September 2015. At that time, my final school year had started and I thought that, due to my very productive summer, I thought I was ready for all the upcoming deadlines and tests. I promised myself that I wouldn’t complain about any school work even though others around me were doing the same. I knew that complaining would just start a cycle of negativity which would be extremely difficult to break. I couldn’t allow myself to be sucked in that downwards spiral otherwise, I would be plagued with anxiety. But I did it.
As the months went by, I began to find myself burdened with more work which I had to submit soon. It wasn’t finishing it on time which I was worried about, funnily enough. It was more of the content of my work which troubled me. I became paranoid that I had somehow, unknowingly plagiarized in one of them which would lead me to not graduating at all. I would check all my essays over and over again to make sure there wasn’t anything wrong with them before submission. But a stupid voice in my mind would suddenly pop up every time I gave it in, “are you sure that there weren’t any mistakes in there??” My wild imagination led to countless nights without sleep but filled with worry. I worried over every single little thing and kept it quiet. I couldn’t bring myself to tell anyone else because I thought that all my worries were just petty and insignificant to them.
Looking back on it now, did it seem stupid that I had these thoughts? Maybe. Even in hindsight, where everything should look much clearer, I still think that I would be paranoid and anxious since the cost of an error in those essays would be my diploma.
At the same time, I also witnessed my grades slowly going down. Due to all the work I had been doing as well as the sleepless nights, I had less energy in my classes and my attention span shortened. Before, I used to participate in classes and I finished my work to the best of my ability and well ahead of when it was needed. Then I just started asking myself “what’s the point? I’m going to worry about it anyway“. Some of my teachers commented on my grades and voiced their disappointment to me. People around me had also noticed that I was beginning to be less motivated to do my work. None of these really helped stop my anxiety and actually demotivated me. I was tired. Tired of all the worrying, tired of all the expectations, tired of having to keep it to myself, tired physically, mentally and emotionally. That’s when I started to complain. That’s when everything went downhill.
To help me explain the feeling of anxiety that I experienced, here is a small part of writing named Anxiety’s Anchor which I created a during those times:
“The first thing I feel is a cold chill flooding through my mind. Next is the numbing. I just sit and stare as anxiety plows through my entire being. Then it’s the shaking, when the cold starts reaching your heart making you want, scream, for warmth and comfort. But there isn’t any. Or maybe I just block it out or forget about it because it’s so fucking cold.
Sometimes, the cold just comes in like an old friend who stubbornly sits around you, you know it’s there. Other times, it demands my full attention, whipping blizzards and icy winds that tear up my insides.”
Anxiety’s Anchor was the first thing I wrote to help me cope with everything around me. I figured that if I couldn’t tell anyone else about what was going on inside of me, I would write about it. Now, every time I feel anxious or paranoid I write about it because it’s a way for me to relieve my thoughts and feelings without having to worry about being judged or misunderstood. With my journal and pen, I am able to slowly win my battle with anxiety.
And that’s my story. I still write in my journal but more recently, I have been able to personally share my story with a few select people and now I choose to do the same with you. I will always carry those painful experiences with me but they are also a reminder of what I have overcome and what I am capable of. I choose to stand back up instead of letting my anxiety tear me down. Back then, I didn’t think I would be able to do that, but now I have proven myself wrong.
I hope this post has inspired you to promote this tag and help it reach it out to others that have gone or are going through a painful experience. I tag anyone who wants to share their experience since I think that everyone will have gone through something that shows just how strong they really are.
~little Purple.Mage
little Purple.Mage 