HI :3
Before I start off this post, I just want to say that it might be a bit messy to read. My thoughts have literally just been everywhere but I feel like I needed to pour them all out in this one message.
First of all, a little story. A few nights ago, I was out with my friends having dinner. It was really good, we were all having fun just eating and talking. At one point, the conversation shifted to relationships and while I was listening to everyone else talk I realized, wait… I’m the only single one here. Now, this definitely wasn’t the problem. I didn’t mind being single so I decided to crack a joke about it: “Hey, I just realized that I’m the only one single here… oh wait, no- there’s still my fictional crushes. Too bad they don’t exist in this world.” That’s when my friend looked at me in confusion across the table and said, “I’m just so confused… how can you like someone that isn’t real?”
Now, the fictional crushes I have all span from characters in books to anime to movies. In my spare time, I love to read headcannons about them, search up their fanart and basically be a fangirl. (Literally, one of my biggest confusions with these situations are shipping the characters I love with others or shipping them with me… does that make sense?) I understand that there are some people who don’t really delve as deeply as I do in the fictional world and I respect that. But I was still slightly appalled that my friend asked that.
*Rant mode activated* (This isn’t exactly what I said in reply, but it’s close enough)
“Because they look amazing and hot. Because their character descriptions are so detailed to the point that you know almost every little thing about them. Because you know their likes and their dislikes. Because you know all about their dreams, goals and fears. Because you learn about and/ or can live with them through their childhood and watch them become the person who they are right now. Because you can turn to them whenever you want to, just like you would to a friend. Because you start to feel an emotional attachment to them, and suddenly, it’s as if they’re not fictional anymore.”
By the end of that explanation, I could still see she was doubtful so I decided to drop it. Like I said, I was used to people not being able to relate with the stuff that I’m into and I don’t bother forcing them to. You do you. But sometimes, at the end of the day, I guess it just makes me feel a bit left out and weary since it’s considered weird to fangirl over something that “isn’t real”. That hasn’t stopped me from doing it though. That feeling of being left out just lasts for a short while so I don’t really like or even want to dwell on it (lest I start overthinking things again).
This brings me to my next story. Today, I was out with my friends again to have lunch with some of our teachers to celebrate the end of the year (No school!!! WOO!!) We were a much bigger group this time and really, only one of my best friends were there so I expected to just talk to them for most of the time. Again everyone was talking together, but since it was a much bigger group this time, I found it better to listen than talk. I also didn’t really relate to what they were saying so I mostly kept quiet. I am an introvert and I’m proud of it, but sometimes I just can’t help but think…
Sometimes, I’m just torn between forcing myself to socialize with everyone else or to just keep to myself. Sometimes, I just feel like even though I try to make the effort of speaking, no one really hears me, much less understand me. Sometimes, I wonder why I even go out to these events when I don’t really bring much to the situation.
In a world where there’s more extroverts than introverts, it can be difficult to find our place in it. But whoever said we need to find one place and stay there? I’m constantly travelling between my own world and reality that sometimes, I feel out of place or restless in one of them. But that’s okay. I’m not being forced to be stationary, I shouldn’t be and neither should anyone else be. There are times when I have to remind myself of this idea but that’s okay too. As long as there’s a balance in my life, I guess I don’t really mind whether I’m out there or in here.
~little Purple.Mage
little Purple.Mage 