Hi.
These past few days, I haven’t been really feeling great. I was procrastinating to no end and I just wasn’t getting much work done. I kept putting off stuff I had to do for my uni applications and, aside from doing regular house chores, I was just eating, sleeping, playing and watching- yeah, not exactly a healthy image. I’m guessing I’m just trying to make up for the amount of rest I didn’t have this past school year but in all honesty, I didn’t like – no, in fact I detested- what I was doing to myself.
In terms of applying to uni, for the past few months I have been stressing whether or not I would be able to actually get in. I’ve now been blessed by this amazing opportunity of attending uni yet it takes a great amount of effort from me to do all the stuff I need to do without complaining or putting it off. I was being an ungrateful and whiny child. I was, well I guess I still am in some aspects, scared of growing up. Although some stuff excites me, I’m just scared of making mistakes in my application processes, saying the wrong things when making appointments- I’m also a bit of a perfectionist so that really doesn’t help me in these cases. Then last night I had a realization. I am blessed with a future. I am blessed with the opportunity to grow up, something that is denied to many. This realization came to me after I watched a video about the devastating events that had happened this past weekend. I couldn’t believe myself for being ungrateful. I couldn’t believe I had the audacity to complain about doing “grown- up stuff” when I could be in a much more terrible situation. I hated the part of me that had done that. I hated that I had to wake up to the real world in these circumstances. I just… I couldn’t believe myself. At all.
At that point I started writing in my journal to rationalize my thoughts and feelings. I wrote down what I hated about what I was doing. I berated myself over and over again for thinking and feeling this way. Yet I knew this wasn’t enough or wasn’t going to do anything. So I started to pray. I started to apologize and ask for forgiveness for all the negativity I’ve been expressing the past few days. I started to pray for the guidance to be able to do what was productive and useful instead of straying down the wrong path. I continue to pray for all the victims of this past weekend – that they, and all their loved ones and friends, may find peace.
It’s just been a day since I had this realization. With the guidance of God, I started to change my perspective in life. I wanted- and I will- make each day count. While I do have all these plans set for my future destinations, I’ll just walk down that path, one day, one step at a time. I continue to pray each and every day for the guidance, courage and the willpower to do what is right – not just for me, but for everyone in this world.
Thank you for reading this 🙂
~little Purple.Mage
little Purple.Mage 